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Draft Dan Rather For Election Coverage

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Alex Erde via Flickr

Dan Rather

PHOENIX -- Since resigning under duress from CBS News over the sourcing of documents on President G.W. Bush's military service, Dan Rather has taken his talents to AXS (formerly HDNet) to host a weekly show and cover elections with his, ahem, unique rhetorical style.

Okay, maybe unique isn't quite right. Perhaps "insane rhetorical style" is more accurate.

The internet is full of crazy Dan Rather sayings, and it seems that nothing sets him off quite like election coverage. But very few people actually SEE his election coverage anymore! We need to draft Dan Rather to do election coverage on NPR, on the condition that he analyze each development with one of his Ratherisms.

One of my colleagues is fond of quoting Rather's pronouncement that "this race is as tight as the rusted lug nuts on a '55 Ford."

I think my personal favorite is his response to someone floating a hypothetical about IF a candidate won a certain state: "If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."

Wouldn't a frog carry, I don't know, flies or something?

Runner-up: Describing a 1988 candidate as being criticized for having "about as much business in this race as a moose in a phone booth."

I mean, it's not like moose could afford cell phones in the late 80s.

If you want to read more Ratherisms, here are three good lists:

The Washington Post


About.com Political Humor

Nick Blumberg was a senior field correspondent at KJZZ from 2010 to 2014.