SOAPBOX: A 5-year-old explains how to talk about big feelings

On KJZZ's SOAPBOX, The Show turns over the the mic to listeners. For spring 2023, The Show collaborated with Rising Youth Theatre, a Phoenix-based youth-centered arts organization. The result is a series of conversations between family members and friends on one of the toughest topics around: mental health. 

Father and daughter duo Mark Bowden and Josie Sullivan Bowden talk about how they deal with big feelings. 

JOSIE: My name is Josie, and I am 5.

MARK: My name is Mark Bowden, and I am 41 years old, and Josie is my daughter. What are we talking about?

JOSIE: Big feelings.

MARK: So, Josie.

JOSIE: What?

MARK: Do you want to talk about feelings with me?

JOSIE: Yeah.

MARK: What are some big feelings you have sometimes?

JOSIE: Happy, sad, mad, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, nervous, scared.

MARK: Whoa, those are a lot of feelings. So what do you do when you have a big feeling?

JOSIE: I stop and take a deep breath.

MARK: Yeah. So what is a big feeling you've had recently?

JOSIE: Sad.

MARK: Yeah, what made you feel sad recently?

JOSIE: That I couldn’t play games on my tablet.

MARK: That you couldn't play games on your tablet? OK, so when you had that big feeling of feeling sad about not being able to play games on your tablet, what did you do?

JOSIE: I cried for a little bit.

MARK: Oh yeah? How did that make you feel?

JOSIE: Better.

MARK: Better?

JOSIE: Yeah.

MARK: What else did you do?

JOSIE: I took a deep breath.

MARK: Did you give anyone a hug?

JOSIE: Mom.

MARK: How did that make you feel?

JOSIE: A little better.

MARK: Yeah? Why do you think those things made you feel better when you have those big feelings?

JOSIE: Because sometimes I just feel those big feelings.

MARK: Yeah? Is it OK to feel those big feelings?

JOSIE: Yes.

MARK: Can I tell you about a time, something that used to make me feel overwhelmed when I was a kid? Yeah, so something that made me feel overwhelmed was if I felt no one was listening to me and no one was hearing what I was saying. I still feel that sometimes as an adult Do you ever feel that way? Yeah, it can be overwhelming.

JOSIE: Daddy, why was it sometimes when you were a little person people weren't listening to you?

MARK: Well, I think when you're a kid, there's always times when you feel like people aren't listening to you. Even as an adult sometimes, you feel like people aren't listening to you. And that can feel overwhelming and that can feel frustrating. Do you want to hear some things I do when I feel frustrated?

JOSIE: Sure.

MARK: So one thing I like to do is I talk about it and if I have a big feeling like that I try to talk about it with someone I feel
safe with. Who do you like to talk about things with?

JOSIE: Mom or Dad or my brother.

MARK: Yeah?

JOSIE: But he won’t figure it out.

MARK: Why won’t your brother figure it out?

JOSIE: Because he just does.

MARK: Yeah, how old is he?

JOSIE: 1.

MARK: Yeah. Does that feel better when we get to talk about our feelings?

JOSIE: Yep.

MARK: Why does that make us feel better do you think?

JOSIE: Because that's just what happens.

MARK: Is there anything else you want to say since we're here talking into these microphones? Is there anything else you want to say about feelings?

JOSIE: I think I feel done.

MARK: You think you feel done? All right. Thanks, Josie.

JOSIE: OK, can I take my headphones off?

MARK: Yeah.