Eating Christmas: Tennille Neilsen on the annual inquisition at the holiday dinner table

For the final essay in this year’s Eating Christmas series, Tennille Neilsen has always been tall and skinny. But that doesn’t stop the annual inquisition at the holiday dinner table.

TENNILLE NEILSEN: It starts usually with the most belligerent of the family, you know, usually the older one who's paid their dues and doesn't care about what they say or to whom they say it to, just walking through the house making insulting comments. Not interested in conversation starters or making nice, just blasting everyone. No recourse in sight.

For example, “hey Neelie, need to eat more, you're looking like a crackwhore."

Consider ice broken. As far as the rest of the family goes, it's now open season on my eating habits. The truth is, I love the holidays because of the food. I love eating and I eat a lot. You would never know it if you were my family at home at Christmas or any other holiday. The hot topic of the drive-by conversation bombs are what I eat, when I eat, if I eat.

Which is stupid since I've kind of looked exactly the same since I was 12. And they've all seen me eat.

As the family comes and goes throughout the afternoon, constant comments about what I'm eating are making me hungry, so I'm heading back to the, to the food. Uncle Gaslighter comes in hot and loud trying to confuse me about questions. If I bought the diet pills, I never told them I was on. The diet fad I never have been on, then a pop quiz asking me everything I ate for Thanksgiving.

As a parting shot, he points out the food table filled with holiday essentials and says, “just in case you haven't noticed, I've been there twice already, hm.”

Just as the overly concerned cousin sits down next to me with a serious look, “you know, Neelie, you know, during this time of year, you know, the holiday season, a lot of people become depressed, they get so lonely and sad, and they turn to drugs and alcohol, and then those drugs take over and they don't make you feel hungry and some cases you don't eat at all. Very sad stuff. But you're OK, right?”

The cool aunt with my dream life floats in out of nowhere and says, “ah f-ck ‘em honey, you look amazing. They just wanna be you.” She shuffles off to the next holiday party. Her lingering essence gives me the courage to fight through the rest of the day.

Later in the day, the elite one comments. “I don't understand why Tennille’s weight is always a topic of conversation every holiday. She looks exactly the same.”

Right! Just as the oblivious one stumbles into the conversation and screams … “Tennille, have you gotten taller?”