Many adolescent boys see online messages of masculinity. But they're not usually looking for them

More than 90% of adolescent boys across the country say they play online games or use social media every day. And about three-quarters of those boys say they regularly see posts about masculinity — on issues ranging from building muscle to dating to making money.

Those are among the findings of a new survey from Common Sense Media. Called "Boys in the Digital Wild," it also finds that the adolescent boys are not seeking this kind of content out. Rather, it’s being fed to them by algorithms.

Michael Robb is the head of research at Common Sense Media. He joined The Show to talk about what stands out about what this survey found

Full conversation

MICHAEL ROBB: I mean, I think there are a couple of things that really stand out to me. No. 1 is just the high quantity of boys who are regularly exposed to what we consider to be masculinity-related content. And those are lots of things that are typically, I would say, more male coded things around making money and building muscle, fighting or using weapons.

So it's a significant amount of exposure to this kinds of content. But along with that, there's a significant amount of exposure to what we consider to be more, kind of, problematic masculinity content. Things related to more harmful stereotypes. So things like, you know, "girls only want to date certain kinds of guys, guys who are, you know, really tall or rich." That "girls use their looks to get what they want, or that boys are treated unfairly to girls."

And there's quite a high level of exposure to that kind of content as well. So that stands out to me. The other thing that really stands out to me is with regard to body image. I think this is something that we typically consider more of an issue for adolescent girls. But nearly all adolescent boys say that they are encountering messages related to body transformation or body image online.

And for those kids who see that content, 1 in 4 say that social media makes them feel that they should change how they look.

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Michael Robb

MARK BRODIE: It seems like this could be problematic both for how these boys are sort of interacting with themselves and seeing themselves, but also how they interact with other people.

ROBB: Yeah, I would think so. You know, we get a range of messages about what it means to be a boy or what it means to be a man today. Some of them come from real people in our lives. But I think we have to think about, you know, what role does social media and platforms like YouTube and TikTok have in filling some blank spaces when it comes to what it means to be a man today?

Lots of kids in our survey said that they find content creators and influencers really inspirational. And they look to them for guidance. So we have to ask ourselves: What is it that social media and other kinds of online engagements are filling developmentally for kids that they might not be getting in the real world?

I think it's important to know that not everybody that they hear online is necessarily negative. There are lots of positive messengers are out there as well, but, you know, there's a lot of potentially problematic messaging that's mixed in with some of the maybe more positive content.

BRODIE: Well, let me pose that question to you then. What do you think it is that these boys seem to be maybe missing in their in-real-life lives that they are seemingly filling with what they're getting online?

ROBB: I mean, I think, you know, we have to come back to the developmental question of: What's happening with boys at this age? So this is, you know, we're talking about adolescence. So we're talking about a time when, you know, kids are really going through a process of identity formation and asking questions about who are they, you know, where do they fit in into the broader context of home and school and society?

And there are people out there who can offer maybe easier answers or the kinds of answers that they find really appealing. So, you know, you can find a lot of that stuff online. But I don't want to diminish the fact that lots of kids say that they also are getting this kind of guidance from real people in their lives.

BRODIE: Do you find that boys who are on different platforms are getting different messages? And even sort of between YouTube or social media or gaming platforms. Does it matter ... where they are, depending what kind of message they get?

ROBB: I mean, there are certainly platforms where they're more likely to see this kind of content. So TikTok and YouTube are probably the two platforms that are most associated with receiving digital masculinity content.

But they can receive it from a variety of places, including in the video games that they play, you know, where they can talk and chat with their friends. And things like, you know, Discord and Twitch and X. But those — some of those platforms tend to be less widely used.

BRODIE: One of the stats that really stood out to me was that you found 70% of the boys who you surveyed observe bullying or harassment online, and more than half hear either racist, homophobic or misogynistic language.

And you talked about this being a time in adolescence when all of us were trying to sort of figure out who we are and what we believe and, you know, what kind of person we want to be.

That seems like a really difficult thing to try to process at any age — but especially this age. Like, what do you do with that? I wonder, not just in the moment, but it seems like that might be problematic down the road for some of these kids, too.

ROBB: Yeah, I think that probably speaks to the importance of having some countering messages. You know, we see a lot of that kind of bullying and exposure to more like hate speech, misogynistic content, and homophobic content and racist content a lot of times in video game environments, gaming environments.

But you also see that lots of kids say that they have stood up for someone against mean comments online. So they might be exposed, but they're also trying to participate in promoting a more positive environment online.

But to the original question, I think the — that kind of exposure, left unchallenged without any counter-messaging can be problematic. Because unless kids have other counter examples of what it means to be a man and how to express yourself in ways that aren't necessarily degrading to others, it can be harder to develop that on your own.

BRODIE: Well, so let me ask you about that because as you allude to, yes, it's helpful for parents to talk to their kids about what they're seeing online and maybe even proactively saying, "Hey, you might see something like this. Let's talk about ways you can handle it, or, you know, how that might make you feel." Things like that.

I wonder if there's a way to do that that is particularly effective, especially for adolescent boys. Because, you know, this is a demographic that is not famously chatty with their parents about what's going on in their lives.

So, like, what are the ways that parents or teachers or coaches or mentors or other adults in their lives can sort of try to get to some of this information and teach some of these skills?

ROBB: Well, you know, it's interesting because I had several people, you know, in the course of talking about this report, talk about how the boys in their lives are ... they can clam up or they don't want to talk, or they're just not that communicative in various situations. And that's true a lot of the time.

And I actually, I have two adolescent boys at home myself. And I know that there are times when they are just not interested in sharing. But one neat trick here is that kids actually really like to talk about media. They are very happy to talk about technology use and about the games they play and the videos that they are watching.

It's actually — more than lots of other things — a really good entry point for parents to find something to talk about with their kids. So, you know, I have a colleague of mine who uses the phrase: "Get curious, not furious." And I think that's a good way to approach this. You know, I know there's a lot of negative content out there, problematic content. Parents know that there's a lot of problematic content.

Don't go in real hot where your kid may get very defensive and not want to share. But if you go in and just ask more open-ended questions or even do things like ask them to give you kind of like a tour of, you know, what's happening on like their Instagram or whatever. Lots of kids, not every kid, but lots of kids may be happy to show you.

Like, "Here's what I'm seeing. Here's what happens. If I see like this particular content creator says like crazy things and, you know, I usually just flip past them." Like they'll talk you through it more maybe than you realize. So that can be a good way, too. Like ask for like a little bit of a tour of some of the things that they do online. And that's a nice entry point, I think, for a lot of parents.