What an etiquette expert thinks about using AI in your holiday cards

Lots of mailboxes right about now are filling up with holiday cards — including family photos and sometimes, updates about who’s up to what.

And since people seemingly are using AI for pretty much everything these days, The Show wondered whether anyone is using the technology to create their holiday cards — and if so, if that’s a problem.

Lizzie Post, the co-president of the Emily Post Institute and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast, joined The Show to talk more about this.

Full conversation

MARK BRODIE: And Lizzie, I'm curious of the people who send you holiday cards. Are there any that use suspect or just straight up know have used AI?

LIZZIE POST: So I haven't seen them yet, but because of this interview, I am now anticipating them this year. And I have a feeling that if they come, they're going to be very obviously AI enhanced. You know, it would be like someone's head on Arnold Schwarzenegger's body, like coming in for Jingle all the Way Christmas or something like that.

Like, I'm picturing things like that as opposed to maybe just like someone with their, let's just say a single person, like with their dog in a setting that's completely not the place they live in or something like that. You know, it's like, I feel like the the idea of the background or, you know, you, you go to the store where they're doing the photos in store, and they've got four backgrounds you can pick from.

I think that's not uncommon to have seen over the years, but, but I could imagine people getting very playful with it, making it look like they're celebrating with certain celebrities or that they're, you know, like I said, different. Your head on someone else's body or something like that. I'll be very curious to see what people go with if they do it.

BRODIE: So, like, I mean, do you think that is OK? Like, is it OK to use AI to generate our holiday cards?

POST: I think when we're not trying to fake them in a, in a way that we're trying to pull the wool over someone's eyes and make it a believable fake, I think that, yes, I think it would be OK. I think there's, you know, this component of etiquette that's about honesty and being able to trust someone.

And I think that you want to either, very jokingly use the AI where it's obvious that you've used the AI, or you, you want to move in the other direction of doing something more traditional that's authentic.

That said, I'll be very curious what people end up doing if they, if they force the kid who wouldn't wear the Christmas sweater into the Christmas sweater. And how different is that from Photoshop, you know what I mean? I don't know.

Emily Post Institute

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Handout

BRODIE: Well, that's a question, right? Because you know, when you have a group photo, for example, it's really hard. Anyone who's taken a group photo knows it's really hard to take one where everybody is looking at the camera and everybody's eyes are open.

And like on a lot of smartphones now you can just fix that. So like, is there really a difference between, as you say, between Photoshop or doing something on your phone or asking ChatGPT to create you a holiday card?

POST: Probably not much of one. But I also start to wonder, how does the person who's being changed feel about it? You know, if it is the kid who is sullen or doesn't like to smile for pictures, how authentic is it to then force one on them?

I don't know. I don't know how good I feel about that. Maybe we just let it be that they're not a smiler in photos and we let that be OK, you know?

BRODIE: Yeah. Do you think there's any chance that people will maybe try to use something like ChatGPT for those folks who sort of send an update on their family with a holiday card? Do you, do you get the sense that's something people will try to do?

POST: Given all the things people use ChatGPT for? I would say yes. I would definitely expect them to craft me a good, you know, holiday newsletter, that sort of thing. With those holiday newsletters we always say go back in and make sure that you haven't over exaggerated or that it's not coming across as like braggadocious.

You really want to make sure that, that you're within the realms of nice, simple, easy thoughts, fun, positive things to share. Occasionally people will make, make note of a, of a hard year or, you know, having lost a few key loved ones or something like that. And that's OK as long as you don't go into dwelling about it or turning it into a therapy session.

BRODIE: Well, so yeah, what is the balance on, on those kinds of newsletters, those kinds of updates? Like obviously you want to share good stuff, as you say, some people want to share difficult things.

But how do you try to make it so that it doesn't sound like you're just bragging on everybody in your family or that you're, you know, really trying to as use these cards as, you know, as a way of getting some therapy.

POST: I think one to two sentences on each family member that's in the card, you know, or that the card is “from.” I think really helps. And a good, a good thing to aim for is where are they right now in life? And maybe something exciting, fun that they've done or that they're looking forward to.

I adore my godfather's Christmas card each year because he and his wife have a large blended family. And I grew up with that family. And I get the update of all the kids, but it's usually those kind of two sentences. Where are they? What have they done? Or what are they looking forward to? And then she moves on to the next kid. And I just, I just look forward to, it's my update on them each year. I really appreciate it.

BRODIE: Well, like, in a way, I wonder if those might be, and I hate to use this word, might be coming somewhat obsolete since it's not that hard to find out about people anymore.

POST: I know. And it's. It's one of those where I don't like to lean into the idea that everybody participates on social media in a way that they just get that information anyway. That might be very biased because I don't participate personally on social media. And so I'm like, I need these updates. Otherwise I don't know these things.

BRODIE: Yeah.

POST: But I think there's still a lot of warmth and good cheer and good tiding and. And good, you know, seasons greetings to people. When we choose to do this in a card form delivered directly to someone's ma. Think about how different that is than receiving just bills in December.

BRODIE: Yeah, well, and I wonder, I was going to ask about how you see the difference between a physical card that you actually put in an envelope with a stamp and an address and put it in the mail versus, like an e-card or some kind of electronic photo or even an update from people.

POST: I feel like the, the e-card can get really lost amid all of the Black Friday sale this and three days before Christmas that. Emails that get flooded to our inboxes. So I am a big fan of actually using the Postal Service to get cards to people's mailboxes specifically or by dropping them off.

Maybe it's the kind of thing where you decide to give little holiday gifts to those in your social circle and you bring that card with the gift. I think that's another, another really nice way to do it so you don't have to mail every single one. They can be something that you hand to somebody. Or that you deliver or even just leave leave on their, their little table in their entryway as you come and go from a holiday party or something like that. It is really nice and delightful and it' something different in your everyday kind of junk mail pile.

BRODIE: So I've got to ask at some point down the road, will we see or at least people who get the Lizzie Post holiday card, will it be your face on Arnold Schwarzenegger's body, like going through the chimney?

POST: I really want to see what that looks like someone sees. If you have AI draft that up, I would be. So I would just, that would tickle me pink. But no, I, I tend to, to want to break out my crafty side. So I don't have a very big list that I send to, but I tend to hand, hand create my cards and there's usually some glitter and markers or, you know, colored pencils involved and a few, a few key messages.

I like the message of merry and bright. That's one of my favorite ones. And having like little string of lights going through it or something.

BRODIE: Oh, cool.

POST: Yeah. So it, and it also depends on who's receiving it. Right. Like, my list isn't only just people who celebrate for Christmas, so sometimes the theme or the message is a little bit different. But I really like to handcraft my cards. I hope that's not too geeky.