Phoenix comedian Rick Herrera shared his truth by channeling his mom — who couldn’t keep a secret

In his new one-man show, comedian and storyteller Rick Herrera traces the arc of his life from growing up without the presence of his father to becoming a father.

It’s a long and arduous journey, and the show doesn’t shy away from the scariest and most confusing moments.

But the title of the show — “Let’s Laugh A Little” — contains a clue about Herrera’s approach.

Herrera is performing the piece Saturday night at Changing Hands in Phoenix, and The Show caught up with him recently about how he arrived at the impulse to share a story like this.

He said a lot of it has to do with how he was raised.

Full conversation

RICK HERRERA: Every time that I share something to my mom or to my sister, the next day, like, everybody in the house or family and friends would know about my business. I'm like, my mom would try to chalk it up, like, oh, I didn't say anything. I'm like, that's odd because they have very specific details that I told you the other day.

So that was like the beginning of like, you know, can I really even trust my own family and friends, like, to share what I really, really feel?

SAM DINGMAN: Right. 

HERRERA: But I guess, you know, that was the culture. That's what they was brought up to as well. Like, there's no secrets here. What you are going through, we either went through it, too, and now the lady at the grocery store is going to know too, for whatever reason.

Why does she have to know that?

DINGMAN: Right, right.

HERRERA: So, yeah, I was, definitely wanted that safe space. I think it would have helped out even more and I still would have went to therapy down the road.

DINGMAN: Well, I'm glad you brought up therapy and your mom, because your mom plays a big role in the show. You don't just talk about her. You take her on as a character. We meet her as a character that you are performing and you talk about how, because your dad was not really around for much of your childhood. I think at one point she says, I'm your father and I'm your mother.

HERRERA: Yeah, yeah.

DINGMAN: And you talk about all the responsibilities that she was kind of saddled with because of this. And at one point she starts going to therapy.

HERRERA: Yes.

DINGMAN: And I'm curious what that modeled for you. 

HERRERA: Yeah. I noticed when my mom went to therapy that on the outside I just knew she was talking to someone, right. And then as I got older, I was like, oh, this is a therapist, right. But the automatically the first thing I noticed that she felt, I noticed she felt lighter. Maybe something happened with my dad or my sister and I felt, I will feel this cloud. And then every month around the time when she went to the therapist, she came back, and I noticed she bought me candy.

Like, when she went to this lady, she bought me, you know, some toys. I'm like, can I see this lady, too? Because whatever she's doing, I want to give her a hug. So, yeah, it showed me that. the delight of talking to someone and maybe, hey, maybe I could get that, too, somehow when I'm older. What is this, you know?

DINGMAN: Well, so let me ask you about that, because now here you are narrating your most personal experiences to audiences. Do you see a connection between those things?

HERRERA: Oh, absolutely. Me writing and writing this show is a mirror to myself. I can't run from it. Where from a therapist, I can lie, right? I can say, yeah, you know, I was all right with that. But if I go in front of a mirror and say, yeah, I'm all right with that.

The mirror showing me another side of me is like, why are you lying? I don't like when I lie to myself. So now if I do that, now I'm lying to a group of people. And if I'm lying now, that lie is traveling to you. And now, without you even knowing, the audience is like, well, it's OK to lie to myself. That's messed up. Like, I'm, it's this plague that I'm, a disease that I'm passing on.

DINGMAN: One of the things I find really interesting about the way you've structured the show is that you begin, I mean, there's a bunch of stuff at the beginning, but one of the big things you're doing is you introduce us to these characters from your neighborhood when you were growing up. 

And they're these big kind of cartoonish characters. There's a kind of a sidewalk preacher.

HERRERA: Yeah. Mr. Hallelujah. Yep.

DINGMAN: Yeah, Mr. Hallelujah. That's right. And I don't think we can say his nickname on the radio, but there's the guy, there's like, a thief who lives in your building. He's, like, kind of a charmer.

HERRERA: Yeah, Mr. Hide-ya-stuff.

DINGMAN: And it just sketches a world instantly for us so that we're kind of with you. But it's also funny, and it makes it clear that you have a buoyant relationship with these things, which in some cases, I'm sure, were not fun to live through. 

And so you start with comedy, and then from there, we segue into some of the darker elements of the story. As we've alluded to your relationship with your father, eventually you talk about a miscarriage that you and your wife went through. Talk about that structure.

HERRERA: I always have to build the stage. Where did I grow up at? You know, who were the people around me that in this community that played a role in my life. Where at the time, maybe it was annoying or challenging, but they were funny people.

So I always, in everything that I do in Story Channel, I like to build a scene and find the humor in that and honestly honor these people. And by honoring them, I also honoring myself and keeping their story alive.

DINGMAN: A big part of the narrative in the show is your journey to being a husband and your journey to being a father. You talk about the process of meeting the woman who's now your wife.

HERRERA: Yes.

DINGMAN: And you talk about how in order to get to a place where you were ready to get married to her, you had to leave behind your more adventurous ways in your youth. Your wife is also the director of the show. So tell me about that collaboration.

HERRERA: Well, first and foremost, before she became my wife, she was an artist as well. I was an artist. I mean, we still are artists, but we both met in the community of being performers. She knew of my one man shows before we tied the knot, right. So here we are now. I think she knew that eventually I will talk about certain things that happen because it just comes second nature.

This is how I met this man, right. I told her I would never tell you not to share anything or your truth in any show because if I do that now, I'm hindering and I'm putting you in a corner where your creativity. I would never do that to any artist.

So after setting that up, right, because it started off in friendship, then marriage, there wasn't really a conversation of like, don't share that. It was like, how are you going to share that?

DINGMAN: Can you think of any moments where there was something that you were maybe nervous about including or wanted to include, and through your collaboration with her, that changed?

HERRERA: One of the toughest things that I had to talk about in this show was the miscarriage. … When it happened, it was even tough to face it and talk to her about it, right. Because there was things that I saw in that room when I talked about on the show that no one could have prepared me for.

Like, I knew it was a possibility, but women are prepared more of like, this is life. This could happen. And then seeing her moving on faster than what I was, because she was already programmed since young, hey, this is the life and the cycles of women.

And guys, we didn't have to worry about that. We was taught, wear a condom and good luck. I know in my world, it wasn't like, hey, you also gotta be concerned and this could be a possibility. And then if you're around, around a community of people that you don't hear vocally of like, hey, my wife had a miscarriage, with dudes is like, all my friends that had a child, they had it the first go around. I never heard anything else about that.

So when the miscarriage happened, it was tough for me to talk about because I didn't want to relive it. I went back to my old ways of, like, I don't feel safe to talk about it. I'm going to just bundle it up inside. And talking about this in this show was tough because I feel like even the audience is there listening and watching and they're not judging. But it was a silence of don't want to relive. Because it's the same silence that I remembered being in the situation when it was actually happening.

DINGMAN: Wait, let me make sure I understand that you're saying that what was difficult for you in talking about it is you could feel the audience get quiet.

HERRERA: It's silent.

DINGMAN: Yeah. 

HERRERA: It's the same silent that I heard when it was actually happening. In the moment, no one was talking. I saw the blood. I saw all things. And it's so I'm not afraid of silence per se when it, ‘ause I love it. But in this particular moment, it's a trigger. It's like, I remember that sound.

I thought, I don't want to be in this room. So that was like the toughest. And even now I get a little emotional talking about it now, but it's fine because I find healing by talking about it. But then there's men that text me, friends. “Hey, I want to thank you for sharing that because when my wife had a miscarriage, I had to go work the next day and I didn't have a moment to even grieve or help her grieve. Thank you for sharing that.”

HERRERA: Did your wife help you push through that discomfort of putting it in the show?

DINGMAN: I didn't present that to her. I'm sharing it with you and the show. It's there, but I'm going deeper with you. And I guess she's hearing it too, for the first time. But I don't think I ever shared that deeply with her. Why that was so tough, even, like, the silence. So I didn't even give her an opportunity to be like, help me get through this.

I just allow time and my writing to help me get through it. Because when there was moments where I feel like I was writing and I felt like, oh, why are you going, oh? This is how I talk to myself, by the way. You're getting a glimpse. I tell myself, why are you feeling, oh, like that?

Why are you clenching up? I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, you should. That's why. If you're feeling that, there's a reason why you're feeling that. You gotta talk about it. And then it's a reminder. And if you're feeling that, what do you think the audience is gonna feel?