Ever wanted to go to a stranger’s wedding? Not a Wedding Crasher website can help you do it

Meet Jeff and Karina Besen.

They’re a San Diego couple that came up with a way for you to attend a wedding — even if you’re not on the guest list.

Why? Well, the Besens got married young, when most of their friends weren’t ready to settle down. And by the time they were, Jeff and Karina already had a family and little kids and getting out to weddings was a lot harder.

So, they came up with a way they could go to more weddings — and you can, too. It’s called Not a Wedding Crasher, where they allow couples to invite strangers to their weddings. It might sound a little nuts, but there are some real reasons for this.

The Show talked with the Besens about the genesis of this idea.

Jeff Besen

Full conversation

KARINA BESEN: We were literally sitting one day and Jeff said, "Hey, don’t you wish we could go to more weddings?"

JEFF BESEN: Yeah.

KARINA BESEN: And I was like, "Yeah, I mean that sounds like fun, but we don’t know people getting married, especially at our age now." And that’s kind of where it was born. Jeff was like, "Hey, what if we could go to weddings and not know the couple?"

JEFF BESEN: I just want to go, right?

KARINA BESEN: Yeah.

JEFF BESEN: And, and there’s no way to do that, right? It’s probably — it is atypical I guess in society to some extent, but people love experiences and we said let’s, we had an idea and let’s do something with it.

LAUREN GILGER: OK. So you started this site. How does this work? Like you can basically purchase a spot, a seat at a wedding and participate as if you were an invited guest from the beginning?

JEFF BESEN: Yeah, so we formally launched a month ago, so this is still very, very new. There’s already been over 300 guests that have already signed up that have interest in attending weddings, and we have six weddings that are live right now.

So the way the process goes is that let’s just say that a couple has already listed their wedding on our website. A guest would go on, they would create a profile and they would hopefully find a wedding that we have on our platform in their area.

Now let’s just take one that’s outside of Phoenix, which is happening on I believe May 3. Someone would go on as a guest, and they would request a seat at that wedding. And every guest that is on the platform, when they request a seat, they have to verify their identity to say who they are. So they have to scan their IDs and they have to do a biometric scan to ensure they are the person that they are. That’s one level of trust that we’re creating on this platform.

So trust and security are huge, especially for a couple that is having their special day. The couple that listed their wedding sets what I’ll call a contribution amount, so there’s a monetary contribution amount which is similar to having a price per seat. And they set it based upon what they likely put in as a cost to their wedding and what they think the value is for their wedding.

So a guest would go on, they would request a seat, they put a message in there, the request would get sent to the couple, and they have the ultimate approval decisions on who they would like to attend their wedding. And when the wedding occurs, they show up.

LAUREN GILGER: They show up and follow the rules and wear the right things and all that kind of stuff, I’m sure.

KARINA BESEN: And it kind of runs like any other ticket you would buy to an event.

LAUREN GILGER: So that’s the kind of the guest side of it, the people who might want to attend a wedding. And I can totally understand that. Yeah, like my friends are all kind of past the age of getting married and I want to go to more weddings, right? I would love that.

But what about the people who are listing their weddings? What are their motivations?

JEFF BESEN: Yeah, so the value proposition to a couple is offsetting some of their costs. Weddings are very expensive. Right now the average cost of a wedding in the United States is $36,000, which is a big number for anybody. People cancel last minute or maybe a couple wants a venue that has a seat minimum and they can’t meet a seat minimum.

LAUREN GILGER: OK. I can understand that. Sure.

JEFF BESEN: Yeah. The other aspects which are probably a bit more social is that having extra seats or open seats at a wedding don’t look great in pictures, there’s less energy at the wedding, there’s less, I’ll say, vibe or good vibes. So there’s like that feel-good type of piece or element to this that a couple wants as well.

LAUREN GILGER: I mean, obviously we live in a world of social media, right? Where the pictures and the video from the wedding are kind of everything. Is that part of it? Do you hear from couples about that?

JEFF BESEN: Yeah, I’d say for sure. I mean, I don’t want to say like they want to have like this social media-focused wedding, but yeah, I mean when they, people are getting married and this is one of the most important milestones of their life, they want to have very good memories of that.

LAUREN GILGER: So have you ever done this you two? Have you been seat fillers at a wedding?

JEFF BESEN: Yeah, actually, was it two weeks ago we actually went to a wedding? And it was in San Diego County up in the mountains, it was incredible.

KARINA BESEN: We actually had another couple also attend.

LAUREN GILGER: So did you have fun?

KARINA BESEN: It was incredible. We got to line dance and we got to, gosh, we — the ceremony was involved in, we got to listen to their vows and be a part of such a special loving experience. And then followed up, it was a giant party. It was great. There was an open bar, they had people teaching you different dances,

JEFF BESEN: Photo booth.

KARINA BESEN: I mean we got to socialize with a ton of amazing people. It was truly, truly an incredible experience.

LAUREN GILGER: So not weird to be at a stranger’s wedding? It turned out to be really fun, it sounds like.

KARINA BESEN: It actually felt so much more natural than I think people could predict.

LAUREN GILGER: So I mean, I wonder this because you’re obviously thinking a lot about this as you’re watching — who’s signing up as guests, what, who’s offering up their wedding, like you’re trying to get the word out there about this new service.

Like what do you think this says about the wedding industry as a whole? Like do you think this says anything about how much we value, you know, the appearance versus the experience, or how maybe open we are on the other side?

JEFF BESEN: Yeah I think it’s kind of a combination of the experience and open side of things. I think we’re in a world now, especially as we’re kind of getting past the thick of COVID if you will, where people want to experience new things. People are open-minded, both on the guests and the couple side.

Just to give you a little insight on the guests that we’re seeing on the platform, they can range anywhere — and I should mention everyone is required to be at least 21 years old, there could be alcohol involved. So anywhere from people from 21 years old to 70s and 80s years old. Couples, singles, all sorts of people.

And what I found interesting actually is people that are in the wedding, the wedding industry that work in the wedding industry actually have signed up, a lot of them.

LAUREN GILGER: Ha!

JEFF BESEN: Because they’re always working at weddings and they don’t have an opportunity to actually sit back and enjoy them.

LAUREN GILGER: They want to go! That’s so funny.

KARINA BESEN: Also for people getting married, it’s a very great way to go experience a wedding, potentially get some ideas.

LAUREN GILGER: Not a bad call. Do you get some singles who maybe want to go and meet somebody at a wedding?

JEFF BESEN: Yes, very much so. I mean people on social media have commented and said this is a great way to meet other people.

LAUREN GILGER: Yeah, guess that makes sense.

KARINA BESEN: Sometimes it’s just a group of friends, you know, like two friends that are like, "Hey, me and my friend really want to go."

LAUREN GILGER: Well, it sounds like fun. Weddings are a blast, absolutely.

KARINA BESEN: They really are, they really are.

LAUREN GILGER: Well, that is Jeff and Karina Besen, the founders of Not a Wedding Crasher. Jeff, Karina, thank you so much for coming on, this is really interesting.

KARINA BESEN: Thank you so much for having us.

JEFF BESEN: Thank you.

MARK BRODIE: And if you want to attend a wedding yourself via Not a Wedding Crasher, you can sign up for R&B’s wedding they mentioned, it’s being hosted in Gilbert this Sunday.