LAUREN GILGER: Arizona State University is back in session, which means hordes of students are heading to campus, unpacking their dorm rooms and figuring out how to get to their classes.
And it also means hordes of girls are getting ready to rush. That is, sororities — and they don’t look exactly like they used to.
[CLIP FROM “FRIENDS” PLAYS]
PHOEBE BUFFAY: You know, boyfriends and girlfriends are gonna come and go, but this is for life.
[INSTRUMENTAL CLIP FROM CYNDI LAUPER’S “GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN” PLAYS]
LAUREN GILGER: Social media is riddled with videos of sorority girls dancing, flipping and lip syncing their hearts out in sometimes really impressive routines. Rush is increasingly being sponsored by big brands like Nike, Sephora and Dunkin’.
But our next guest this morning says it’s not really about any of that flashy #rushtok content. It’s about finding community.
Tami Shaw is a sorority recruitment coach who helps girls here and all over the country get into the house of their dreams. She was in Alpha Chi Omega at ASU in the early 1980s, and she told me, getting into a sorority is about more than looking pretty and being able to dance.
TAMI SHAW: When people say it’s a beauty show, I kind of take offense to that. Although it’s nice to think that we are all beauty queens, but that’s really not the truth of it.
LAUREN GILGER: What is the truth of it? What are sororities judging you on?
TAMI SHAW: Well, they’re not really judging you, but they’re looking to see if you’re a good fit. And what do you think, Lauren, is the single most important thing that will help determine your success or failure during sorority recruitment?
LAUREN GILGER: What would it be? I don’t know. I mean, like I want to say something cynical, like your Instagram profile, but it’s probably like small talk, right? Being able to be friendly?
TAMI SHAW: Well, those are certainly part of it, and your social media, certainly we didn’t have that 10 years ago, but it’s your grades. Your grades are going to determine your success, and you can’t fudge on that. The school will send a report to the sororities, and we’re looking at that to make sure what’s on the application matches what the student provided at the time they were admitted to the college.
LAUREN GILGER: Wow. OK. So, there’s some backgrounding involved in this.
TAMI SHAW: The smarter sororities that are doing a really good job at vetting everybody will catch that.
LAUREN GILGER: Such an online generation, this one coming up that you’re coaching right now. I mean, how do you make sure that they are representing themselves online on their social media in the way they want to be represented?
TAMI SHAW: Right. Well, I usually start working with a girl when she’s a senior in high school. And by then, they already have a lot of pictures on their Instagram, and their mothers will say to me, “Please tell her to take that picture down.” And I will look.
I’ve seen it all, trust me. It’s not really typical that I have to tell them to take something down. I mean, obviously, if there’s alcohol and you’re in ninth grade, that’s probably not a good look for you. But social media really has changed the game.
LAUREN GILGER: When you say you’ve seen it all, what do you mean?
TAMI SHAW: Well, if a mom calls me and is interested in hiring me, I always ask for the daughter’s Instagram handle first because I have to do my homework as well. And if I get on there and it’s kind of a train wreck, these kids, they just live every minutia online, and there are some things that we don’t need to see, right?
And I’ve raised kids, too, and they’ve been in Greek life, too. But if you’re oversharing way too much and you look to be growing up too fast, that’s something I really can’t fix.
LAUREN GILGER: What’s the biggest challenge today, Tami, in coaching these girls who want to get into a specific sorority, maybe a very exclusive one?
TAMI SHAW: Well, it’s no different than getting into any of them. The biggest issue for me today is these kids have lived through COVID. They’re very adept at texting, but they’re not super adept at conversation skills. They truly aren’t. And they don’t know how to have a conversation with a stranger.
LAUREN GILGER: So what, you coach them on small talk essentially?
TAMI SHAW: Oh, absolutely. I know the questions they’re going to be asked. We kind of role play their answers, and I tell them the best way to answer a question. I’m not asking them to lie or misrepresent themselves, but have you heard of something called an elevator pitch?
LAUREN GILGER: Yes.
TAMI SHAW: Well, none of these girls have. And I have to tell them what an elevator pitch is, and I say to them, pretend you’re going to the 32nd floor of the building and you’re riding in the elevator with a girl in a sorority that you wish to be in. You have to sell yourself before it gets to the 32nd floor, and you have to know how to talk about yourself because if you don’t sell yourself, nobody will want to buy you.
LAUREN GILGER: Want to buy you. How did you get into sorority coaching, Tami? I understand you were in a sorority at ASU years ago.
TAMI SHAW: So, I was in a sorority at Arizona State, and a couple years after I graduated, I was tapped to be an advisor. So, sororities and fraternities everywhere have adult advisors, and I was working as an elementary school librarian in Scottsdale.
This was in 2004, and one of the teachers came in about this time of year, actually, and she was very upset. And she said, “Tami, I know you’re in a sorority. I wasn’t in one in college. My daughter is going through rush at the University of Arizona, and she’s crying. I don’t know the words she’s using, I don’t understand any of it. Would you please talk to her?”
And I knew her daughter, so I called her. And let me tell you about this girl, Lauren. Horizon High School, 4.0, National Honor Society, captain of varsity pom, all the things that any sorority would want on paper.
LAUREN GILGER: Right.
TAMI SHAW: And I said, “Well, tell me about what you’re talking about at these parties.” And she started explaining, and I’m thinking to myself, red flag, red flag, red flag.
LAUREN GILGER: Oh no.
TAMI SHAW: They don’t know how to talk about themselves. And I think when you’re nervous and you’re 18 and you’ve got a girl that you don’t know on the other side of the couch and you’re telling stories and you sound really funny and you’ve got diarrhea of the mouth, and you’re thinking to yourself, “Oh my gosh, I’m making her laugh, she likes me.”
Well, you might not be saying the things that they want to hear. So, being funny is not the same as presenting who you are, what your values are, and what you’re looking for in Greek life.
LAUREN GILGER: Yeah. OK, so you can coach them through that. I mean, you say this is more than a beauty pageant, you kind of don’t like it when people think of rush in that way.
Is there room, though, for individuality in this?
TAMI SHAW: Oh, definitely.
LAUREN GILGER: Like, it looks like when you watch these videos of sorority girls rushing, like very cookie-cutter, right?
TAMI SHAW: Right. Well, it can look like that. I know the TikTok and the dancing and all of that. I tell my clients, “Don’t be fooled.” They put all the pretty girls in the front. They have all the girls that were dancers in high school in the front.
Everybody in the back, that’s who you need to focus on, not so much shiny pennies in the front.
LAUREN GILGER: OK, so we have to talk about how much this process has changed in the last, honestly, like decade, like you said.
TAMI SHAW: It’s really just changed since the advent of the internet. So, when I went to ASU back in the early ’80s, the sororities didn’t know who I was until I walked in the door. And now, we know everything about you before we’ve even met you. It’s all online.
LAUREN GILGER: Right. So, you think even today and even in this environment in which it looks very, you know, specific online, that there’s still real value to this?
TAMI SHAW: There is, and I know there are a lot of stereotypes, and some of that can be true or look to be true, but I know the other side and I know how genuine it is. And these freshmen come in, and man, they want belonging. They want to continue maybe having a friend group like they had at Xavier College Prep or Notre Dame Prep. They’re looking for that.
I mean, it’s daunting to go and maybe not know anybody, and you’ll get it by joining a sorority. And I hear a lot, people will say, “Well, I didn’t have to buy my friends in college.”
LAUREN GILGER: Right, you hear that criticism for sure.
TAMI SHAW: You hear it, and I’m going to tell you, Lauren, I did join a sorority, so I guess you could say I did buy my friends, and let me tell you, it was worth every penny I spent. I’m 65 years old. I’ve got some best friends still from my pledge days at ASU. They were the bridesmaids in my wedding. They were the women that I called when I had my first child. It lasts for a lifetime.
LAUREN GILGER: OK, we’ll leave it there. Tami Shaw, sorority recruitment coach, joining us this rush season. Tami, thank you so much for coming on The Show. I really appreciate it.
TAMI SHAW: My pleasure, thank you.
[PIANO INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF “PERFECT DAY” PLAYS]
LAUREN GILGER: Mark, did you do Greek life in college?
MARK BRODIE: I did not. No. How about you?
LAUREN GILGER: You know, we didn’t even have it where I went to college. No Greek life, but yeah, I might have.
MARK BRODIE: OK. But you wouldn’t have had a coach to help you get in at that point, right?
LAUREN GILGER: I don’t think they existed then. I don’t know.
MARK BRODIE: That is so interesting. All right.
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